For my family, Christmas eve is a busy holiday. There is a traditional meal we eat together and almost always have somewhere between 20-25 guests to join us. It may not seem like that many, but consider that we squeeze around a single table. A sit down meal for that many people is undeniably a production.

It’s always a meal our family looks foreword to, but this year it was far less than enjoyable for me. I’ve had a bit of a health scare. Apparently an unexpected cocktail of over-the-counter drugs left me with really high blood pressure, nearly losing consciousness, extremely light-headed, and seriously spaced out.

I ended up having to sleep through dinner and missing the festivities, which was disappointing, but I definitely didn’t want to get out if bed. Every so often one of my family members would come and check on me and see that I was alright, and whether I needed anything. Over the course of a few hours, my whole family had been through to see how I was doing. My brother-in-law even came and hung out with me for a bit.

It reminded me, this morning around 10 as I was getting ready for the day, I thought to myself, somewhere, there’s someone who’s already begun drinking to dull the depression. Somewhere, there’s someone who’s begun a drug bender that isn’t likely to end until the new year. Somewhere there’s someone waking up and wishing he could just sleep through the next two days. After being incapacitated and sick all night, it got me thinking what a privilege it is to have a family that really is knit together and cares about one another—especially during the holidays.

So, my prayer tonight on Christmas Eve, the night before we celebrate our savior’s birth, is that God would visit those who are hurting. Those who have no one—no comfort. That he would be their comfort, and in their misery, reveal himself as the only worthy object of their whole affection.

Puritan Author George Downame writes:

“Too much friendship makes way for hatred. Yea, in truth there is no enmity so dangerous as that which has its foundations upon the ruins of love. And as in nature, the purest substance is turned into the most loathsome corruption; so the hottest love, which has no other ground but carnal respect, degenerates oftentimes into the most deadly and hurtful enmity… A traitor is much more dangerous than a professed enemy.”

When I read this, I had to sit back and say, “huh.”

Downame is discussing Christians’ casual friendships unbelievers. Although I think I disagree with his conclusion, the points he makes leading up to it are, at the least, thought provoking.

There are only one or two people (that I know of) who really don’t like me. Not bloodthirst or anything. But in the world of civilized living, it’s up there. All of them were, at one time, very close friends. The love that existed in the friendship unquestionably is the fuel that keeps the continuing enmity alive.

I can even see in my own life and behavior. To my shame, close friends who scorned me in some particularly devastating way received far worse in return than any stranger might have.

But in a larger sense, I think it’s seen most clearly in the relationships cultivated and ultimately destroyed by the Church.

I wager that there aren’t very many people who stand in opposition to the church who weren’t at one point part of the church. In fact, science and Christianity may be a perfect example of this.

Christian societies played a huge part in many of the first major scientific advances by encouraging the research. This is because Christianity holds that God created a natural system which, if studied, all fits together and makes sense. Unlike other religions which attribute existence to God, but not a natural order.

But look where things are now?

I think the commands to “Live at peace with everyone,” have more intention than we might think at first.

One of the things I’ve been finding most interesting as I’m reading through Job this time is the fact that the individuals are talking to each other. The majority of the book is heated debate.

Is Job guilty? is Job innocent? His friends contend that if he is suffering in this way, he must be guilty of heinous crimes. While Job, on the other hand, insists that he is innocent, but God is free to inflict judgment where and when he sees fit and that although he is innocent, God is finding him guilty. Of course, neither is quite true and in the end, God humiliatingly sets everyone straight.

In a sense, the book of Job is one big heated theological argument between friends. I find this interesting. Of all the times to argue over the details.

In all of their arguing, I don’t believe that Job’s friends ever pray for him. In fact, Job only pseudo prays for himself. The debate seems to take place of that. I think this is too often the accepted practice. We all think we’re great at solving each other’s problems—and sometimes we are—but in the end, God will probably have to set us straight and we’ll see we should’ve spent more time praying for each other.

We know from the rest of scripture that Job wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t ultimately blameless. But he was innocent of the crimes his ‘friends’ accused him of. The calamity that befell him wasn’t the result of his sin, but God’s prerogative. But his friends continue to come at him with theological sounding arguments, which amounted to condemnation of him in his difficult life situation.

Job responds to them. Job 16:2-5:

"I have heard many such things;
    miserable comforters are you all.
Shall windy words have an end?
   Or what provokes you that you answer?
I also could speak as you do,
   if you were in my place;
I could join words together against you
   and shake my head at you.
I could strengthen you with my mouth,
   and the solace of my lips would assuage your pain.”

I think that Job’s words are echoed in many, many who have been bruised and burned by Christians and our American Church culture. Difficult situations and challenges have befallen them and rather than patiently and quietly empathize and encourage, we attempt to define and classify, and ultimately solve the problem with a kind of spiritual algorithm.

But this is a problem. Because it amounts to very little more than judgment on our part.

I think the human experience is vastly complicated and confusing. Even for the one experiencing it, let alone those around him. Although spiritual as it may be, I think we err when jumping to conclusions about other people’s struggles and difficulties.

Although there is a time for careful examination of each other’s struggles, and there is a time for instruction, exhortation and rebuke. I think most of the time, it’s not. But rather, grace, patience, love and empathy.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly, or who knows me personally probably knows that I have my hesitations and convictions about what we consider the large, organized, ‘corporate’ church. Not speaking, necessarily of people, but of the organization they create and maintain.

But I still I don’t think there is too much that’s more important that being a part of the natural and organic body of Christ.

In other words, having Christian friends and living life with them.

While I was reading in Ecclesiastes today, I came upon Solomon’s own argument for the same thing. I think he says it better than I do.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

People love drama. I mean, it’s really the essence of pretty much all entertainment, not to mention the driving force behind gossip. Something about it just feels so exciting—when things somehow seem larger than life. Taking a tid-bit of information and speculating about it left and right with all kinds of people.

Most of us do or have or will do this. Maybe it’s just our culture. But it’s something we all suffer with at some point or another—either on the fun end or the not-so-fun end.

Proverbs 25:7-10:

“What your eyes have seen
   do not hastily bring into court,
for what will you do in the end,
   when your neighbor puts you to shame?
Argue your case with your neighbor himself,
   and do not reveal another’s secret,
lest he who hears you bring shame upon you,
   and your ill repute have no end.”

It’s interesting that the simplest, most obvious things in scripture seem to be the most challenging for us to keep a handle on.

I’ve been avoiding this for my own reasons.

To the left is 14 year old Christopher Jones. He died this week. The circumstances surrounding his death are still somewhat of a mystery to me as most of the news articles can’t seem to agree on their story. But regardless, two boys have been arrested in connection with his death. One 14 and the other 16. His death was no accident, but to what degree it seems unclear.

Chris was a intermittent attendee of the Anne Arundel County local church, MACC. But more specifically, in past years, he would occasionally attend the small group which one of my closest friends lead.

This has been a trying few days for the whole community of people connected to Chris. Whether they knew him or not, when a kid is killed, it sends shockwaves through the community. This is absolutely no exception. People have dealt with their grief, confusion and anger in different ways. Some in healthier ways than others—some avoiding the issue all together (I fall primarily into the last group).

The reality is, Chris’ death presents us, me, with my true mortality. Although I never knew Chris, It forces the issue that life, the basic tenants of existing, aren’t guaranteed. And even in their true and incredibly fragile state, I have only barely begun to scratch the surface of understanding them. The delusion of getting this life crumbles quickly when reality can shout louder than the fingers in my ears are able to muffle.

Yesterday my friend who lead the small group called, shaken. He asked whether I thought that all things that happened glorified God. I had to admit that on some level all things must glorify God—although how, I cannot understand. This inability to understand is a great source of struggle for me and for my faith and for my intellect.

God has promised that not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from his will (Matt. 10:29). So, while I cannot even begin to understand Chris’ death, I must believe that there is design in it and no matter how painful that reality may be, it is meant for good and for glory which, one day, hopefully, we’ll be able to understand.

I know that I personally have failed to respond to this situation, and others, in a way that truly glorifies God beyond my basic human functions. And I know that I have failed to uphold brothers as they struggle in the same way. And for this, I pray that there is grace too.

_______

Lord, hear my prayer.

Jesus. I would be a liar if I understood how to come to you in prayer. Although the words maybe true, I would speak as a liar if I rolled a series of God exalting praises off my tongue and told you how righteous you are for your decision to allow (or to cause, I cannot know) Chris’ death. I can’t, in honesty, thank you for this turn of events. So I speak honestly to you, as a loving Father who knows my heart.

God, I’m upset that so many of the people I love have to suffer from the loss of Chris, someone they loved. I’m upset that so much of this life is groping around in the dark wondering what’s next and how to get there. I’m upset that so much of this life is chocked up to ‘faith’, and I’m upset that I have such a difficult time wrapping my hands around ‘faith’ and grace and trust and love.

God, I want to love you. I want to trust you. I want good and glorious things to come from Chris’ death, and God, I want to have faith that it will.

Although I struggle to trust you, I try my best to believe that you are working all things for the good of those who love you. That your plan is better than our plan. That if you have intentioned suffering in our lives, even suffering like the loss of a loved one, it is for our good and your glory. God, in all of those who are suffering now as they grieve for Chris, offer consolation through the life, death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus.

God, I pray for Chris’ family; particularly his mother and father. I pray that you would comfort them. I pray for Chris’ peers, friends, mentors and acquaintances, that you would comfort them. God, I pray for Chris’ assailants, that you would also visit them with comfort. And God, by the blood of your son Jesus, I pray that you would use Chris’ death to prime all of these aforementioned individuals to hear and accept your great Gospel of forgiveness. God, by the blood of Jesus, I pray that you would not allow Chris’ death to be in vain, but that you would bring about saving grace in a great many through it.

God, although I struggle to believe, I affirm that you are good and that you are worthy of our love and our lives. Jesus, prove yourself faithful for all of us whose faith, for whatever reason, is shaking.