Today my second nephew was born 7lbs, 12oz and about 21 inches long with probably the biggest feet you’ve ever seen on a newborn. My sister went through it like a trooper, with only a few hours of labor and less than 2 minutes of actual pushing. She’s seriously a pro.

The name William Joseph Wellons is in tribute to my Father (Joseph) and my grandfather (William). As is the tradition in the Wellons family, the new baby will go by his middle name,  Joseph. Or, if I get my way, Joey.

So, as is my tradition, here is my prayer for my new nephew on his 0st birthday.

Jesus, I pray today for my new nephew, William Joseph Wellons. Born today to parents, Theresa and Chris, who love him and love you. Jesus, first and foremost, I pray for that your glory would be highlighted and amplified in Theresa and Chris’ love for their new son. I pray that your glory would be obvious in ever breath than Joseph takes, and every confused, hungry and tired cry that he utters.

Jesus, I pray for Theresa and Chris, as parents new to raising multiple children. I pray that you would help them never to play favorites. Help them never to give love an attention to one child at the expense of another, but only at their own. Jesus I pray that you would calm their fears and anxieties. Give them faith to trust that you are in control and that you have a plan full of good things for this child. I pray that through difficulty and hardship, you would give them peace knowing that there is nothing that cannot be overcome when they trust you.

Jesus, a second child will undoubtedly strain and challenge Theresa and Chris’ marriage. I pray that you would help them to face those challenges with love for one another and love for you. Let them never vilify each other, or any of their children to achieve their own comfort. But help them to realize that their greatest calling on this earth is the children you have given them. And as you have given everything, help them also to give everything.

Jesus, I pray for Joseph’s older brother Stephen. I pray, that even as a toddler, you would give him a vision for his relationship with his new sibling. I pray that as the two of them grow, that you would give Stephen a drive to defend his younger brother in times of trouble, love and support him in times of sadness, and celebrate with him in times of achievement and happiness. I pray that you would knit these brothers together, not only to be brothers, but friends as well.

Finally Jesus, I pray for Joseph. Though he has spent only 12 hours outside of his mother’s womb, I pray that you would be his guide. I pray that you would feed and protect his soul. I pray that you would usher him into your family of redeemed people to be more than a happy, successful person, but a person so committed to knowing you and your glory that people cannot help  but notice you in him. Jesus, I pray that in his body, you would keep him safe, healthy and happy, until he is finally called home to fully realize all that you are.

Jesus, be great in the Wellons family. Greater than we can imagine.

My birthday passed recently. No, I won’t say exactly when. And It’s no secret, I don’t like them. Well, not all birthdays. Just not mine. I don’t like that kind of attention. This however seems to be something people can’t stand about me, and instead insist on finding a way to make a big deal out of it.

But I suppose at the end of the day I appreciate that people care, even if it is unbelievably annoying.

Well, since my friends and family seem to be full of wise-cracks over my disdain for birthdays, I thought I’d share the birthday cards I received from them. Don’t worry, there’s only two.

This one comes from my friend Amy who sarcastically struck out her “happy birthday” message.

If you read this blog often, you’ll also know that I absolutely loath children’s television. Especially Miley Cyrus. Well, not as a person. Just as a role model for my 10 year old niece. Well, I suppose based on that, my family seemed to think this card was perfect for me.

It’s the final day of 2009. Normally I wait too long to post my best-of lists and reflections on the year gone by. But this year, with a bit more preparation, I’ll reflect now while there are still a few hours left of the 21st centuries first decade.

So, here we go. A shotgun blast of my reflections on 2009.

Movies

I think 2009 was a good year for movies. I spent less money and time at the movie theater and instead was more careful in choosing what to spend my money on. That been said, however, I still directed most of my viewing to Hollywood blockbusters and less pursing independent works. Here were some of my favorites.

Other Notable Movies: Although I wouldn’t put them at the top of the list, there were a number of other movies I really enjoyed. The Watchmen, Terminator Salvation, District 9, Zombieland, The Road and I Love You Man were all really stellar flicks that I have every intention of watching again.

Movies I really hated: There were of course a couple moves I absolutely hated and wish I could get my 9 bucks back on. Most noteably, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Public Enemies—which had my hopes high and severely let me down.

Music

I love looking for new music. In 2009 I discovered the extreme usefulness of Last.fm in this endeavor. Their tagging system allows you to find music based on abstract ideas, like a word or feeling. Just try searching Last.fm for the word ‘happy’ and you’ll know what I mean.

Here are a few my notable discoveries from 2009.

1. Mika: Awkward, theatrical and painfully catchy pop-music from Europe. Mika is my favorite of the new music I’ve found, with what seems like an endless stream of addictive, well written music.

2. Iron & Wine: Okay, not new. But it was in 2009 that I finally developed a taste for Iron & Wine’s particular brand of slow-folk-rock.

3. Cinema Rock: Groups such as Corner Stone Cues, ES Posthumas and Globus were discovered in 2009 and I’ve fallen in love. Music that sounds like it should be in a movie, but is never officially attached to any particular theatrical release is right up my ally.

4. Rosie Thomas: In close collaboration with Sufjan Stevens, Rosie Thomas’s album These Friends of Mine is beautiful. It’s difficult to decide whether it’s solemn or simply melancholy, but either way it’s one of my new favorites. Especially worth checking out is her duet with Stevens titled Say Hello.

5. Damien Rice: Not a new name, but prior to this year, I’d never given him much attention. Damien Rice’s albums 9 and 0 are sweet and sad set on the backs of catchy, slow melodies, it’s a wonder I didn’t find him sooner.

Other Notable Music Stuff: I also rediscovered my love for the work of Pedro the Lion, Bright Eyes and The Rocket Summer.

TV Shows

I’ve spent more time watching TV shows this year that I normally have. In 2009, I watched the entire Friends television series, finally saw Freaks & Geeks, Entourage and It’s Always Sunny in Philedalphia.

But two stand out as most notable shows.

Business

In 2009, Petruzzo Photography finally began to blossom. I shot nearly three times as many weddings in 2009 as I’d shot in my entire career leading up to that point. With referrals spreading and me honing my understanding of the business world, the possibilities are expanding fast and I’m excited to see what will happen in 2010.

In 2009 my business website was hacked and completely destroyed. Most likely as a result of a (since patched) hole in the WordPress software, which the website is built on. The damage forced me to rebuild the site almost from the ground up. This time geared more toward my target wedding market.

The redesigned website also paved the way for me to begin accepting credit card payments.

Family & Personal Life

My niece turned 10 this year and is fast approaching teen years—for which I should leave the worrying to her parents—but I take the concern upon myself anyways. My nephew turned two just weeks after we all got the news that my sisters is pregnant again, so before he’s three there will be yet another niece or nephew in my life.

Hobbies & Personal Endeavors

It was this year that I discovered Hookah, or Nargile. A middle-eastern tradition of smoking a molasses soaked tobacco, called moassel, which is filtered through water. I’ve fallen in love with the social aspect of the hobby, but also found a perfect companion to private study and recreational reading.

In the end of 2009, I officially and finally took the plunge in to AT&T’s cell phone network which has finally allowed me to use the iPhone. It is by far the most valuable tool I’ve acquired since my Macbook Pro, or Cameras before that. No other piece of portable electronics even rivals the everyday  usefulness of the iPhone.

This year I also made a more pointed effort to learn to play guitar. I failed—perhaps to dust off and try again?

Church Life

In the beginning of 2009, church life was on rocky ground. By the end of 2009 church life in any official capacity is virtually non-existent. A combination of disillusionment with the institution of the American church and an uncertainty about which direction to go has left me, at the end of 2009, between ministries again.

It was this year, in 2009, that I also came to grips with the fact that I have no interest in serving the Church vocationally as a pastor or leader. Though I still find myself kicking against the goads of respected friends’ opinions. This one is to-be-continued.

In Conclusion

2009 was productive, yet not without it’s difficulties. I have a lot of new ideas on the docket for 2010, but to avoid clichés, I will avoid actually using the term “New Years Resolution” in a sentence.

But more on next year, next year.

For my family, Christmas eve is a busy holiday. There is a traditional meal we eat together and almost always have somewhere between 20-25 guests to join us. It may not seem like that many, but consider that we squeeze around a single table. A sit down meal for that many people is undeniably a production.

It’s always a meal our family looks foreword to, but this year it was far less than enjoyable for me. I’ve had a bit of a health scare. Apparently an unexpected cocktail of over-the-counter drugs left me with really high blood pressure, nearly losing consciousness, extremely light-headed, and seriously spaced out.

I ended up having to sleep through dinner and missing the festivities, which was disappointing, but I definitely didn’t want to get out if bed. Every so often one of my family members would come and check on me and see that I was alright, and whether I needed anything. Over the course of a few hours, my whole family had been through to see how I was doing. My brother-in-law even came and hung out with me for a bit.

It reminded me, this morning around 10 as I was getting ready for the day, I thought to myself, somewhere, there’s someone who’s already begun drinking to dull the depression. Somewhere, there’s someone who’s begun a drug bender that isn’t likely to end until the new year. Somewhere there’s someone waking up and wishing he could just sleep through the next two days. After being incapacitated and sick all night, it got me thinking what a privilege it is to have a family that really is knit together and cares about one another—especially during the holidays.

So, my prayer tonight on Christmas Eve, the night before we celebrate our savior’s birth, is that God would visit those who are hurting. Those who have no one—no comfort. That he would be their comfort, and in their misery, reveal himself as the only worthy object of their whole affection.

I’ve been avoiding this for my own reasons.

To the left is 14 year old Christopher Jones. He died this week. The circumstances surrounding his death are still somewhat of a mystery to me as most of the news articles can’t seem to agree on their story. But regardless, two boys have been arrested in connection with his death. One 14 and the other 16. His death was no accident, but to what degree it seems unclear.

Chris was a intermittent attendee of the Anne Arundel County local church, MACC. But more specifically, in past years, he would occasionally attend the small group which one of my closest friends lead.

This has been a trying few days for the whole community of people connected to Chris. Whether they knew him or not, when a kid is killed, it sends shockwaves through the community. This is absolutely no exception. People have dealt with their grief, confusion and anger in different ways. Some in healthier ways than others—some avoiding the issue all together (I fall primarily into the last group).

The reality is, Chris’ death presents us, me, with my true mortality. Although I never knew Chris, It forces the issue that life, the basic tenants of existing, aren’t guaranteed. And even in their true and incredibly fragile state, I have only barely begun to scratch the surface of understanding them. The delusion of getting this life crumbles quickly when reality can shout louder than the fingers in my ears are able to muffle.

Yesterday my friend who lead the small group called, shaken. He asked whether I thought that all things that happened glorified God. I had to admit that on some level all things must glorify God—although how, I cannot understand. This inability to understand is a great source of struggle for me and for my faith and for my intellect.

God has promised that not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from his will (Matt. 10:29). So, while I cannot even begin to understand Chris’ death, I must believe that there is design in it and no matter how painful that reality may be, it is meant for good and for glory which, one day, hopefully, we’ll be able to understand.

I know that I personally have failed to respond to this situation, and others, in a way that truly glorifies God beyond my basic human functions. And I know that I have failed to uphold brothers as they struggle in the same way. And for this, I pray that there is grace too.

_______

Lord, hear my prayer.

Jesus. I would be a liar if I understood how to come to you in prayer. Although the words maybe true, I would speak as a liar if I rolled a series of God exalting praises off my tongue and told you how righteous you are for your decision to allow (or to cause, I cannot know) Chris’ death. I can’t, in honesty, thank you for this turn of events. So I speak honestly to you, as a loving Father who knows my heart.

God, I’m upset that so many of the people I love have to suffer from the loss of Chris, someone they loved. I’m upset that so much of this life is groping around in the dark wondering what’s next and how to get there. I’m upset that so much of this life is chocked up to ‘faith’, and I’m upset that I have such a difficult time wrapping my hands around ‘faith’ and grace and trust and love.

God, I want to love you. I want to trust you. I want good and glorious things to come from Chris’ death, and God, I want to have faith that it will.

Although I struggle to trust you, I try my best to believe that you are working all things for the good of those who love you. That your plan is better than our plan. That if you have intentioned suffering in our lives, even suffering like the loss of a loved one, it is for our good and your glory. God, in all of those who are suffering now as they grieve for Chris, offer consolation through the life, death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus.

God, I pray for Chris’ family; particularly his mother and father. I pray that you would comfort them. I pray for Chris’ peers, friends, mentors and acquaintances, that you would comfort them. God, I pray for Chris’ assailants, that you would also visit them with comfort. And God, by the blood of your son Jesus, I pray that you would use Chris’ death to prime all of these aforementioned individuals to hear and accept your great Gospel of forgiveness. God, by the blood of Jesus, I pray that you would not allow Chris’ death to be in vain, but that you would bring about saving grace in a great many through it.

God, although I struggle to believe, I affirm that you are good and that you are worthy of our love and our lives. Jesus, prove yourself faithful for all of us whose faith, for whatever reason, is shaking.

So, here’s a little bit of back story.

My folks have never been on the hard edge of technology. That’s not a shot at them, they’re just not early adopters. So, growing up we weren’t a family with camcorders and stuff. But regardless of that, my folks still did a good job of capturing some of the animation of me and my sister’s childhood.

One of those techniques was to take a little Radio Shack tape recorder and microphone and record us talking to each other, or talking to them. There are dozens of tapes in my father’s stash with little clips of our weird adolescent voices. Currently, he’s going through and digitizing all those tapes for easier reference.

Tonight, he dropped one such file on my desk and I couldn’t help but share.

This is about four minutes of a conversation from 1988 between me and my father about various things. Let me tell you though, for a three year old, I say “microphone” quite well.

Click here to listen!

If you think through the list of basic emotional conditions people experience from day to day, pretty much every one has some level of enjoyment associated with them. Almost an entertainment factor.

People enjoy feeling happy when good things happen. People enjoy feeling scared during a scary movie. On some level, there’s even enjoyment in sadness and grief.

Sad movies? The whole genre of “emo” music?

But one emotion that I’m pretty convinced no one enjoys on any level is frustration! Well, maybe I speak to soon to speak for everyone, but I definitely don’t.

It’s almost like the only emotion that has no silver lining at all.

Happiness well, duh, is just an enjoyable emotional state to be in. Fear, in a weird way, appeals to people’s sense of adventure and wonder of the unknown; to be afraid of something we must acknowledge it exists. And grief, perhaps is the most interesting. It’s the only emotion that smacks of real absolute unquestionable truth, that life is fleeting.

But frustration? No no, no silver lining there. It’s like this mix of anger and anxiety that tumbles out of control until is barely even themselves.

Two days ago, my computer fried. I used an entire Sunday hoping to salvage the existing machine. Unfortunately to no avail. But certainly to the utmost frustration. Tonight, I helped my father set up his new home-theater system. It took us about four hours. Most of those hours were spent heated to say the least.

But of course the biggest problem in the emotion of frustration is how outside of godly character it causes a person to act. Saying, thinking, doing things that in a level frame of mind they’d think twice about. Have you ever heard an apology that included the line, “I was just frustrated"?

It brings out the worst in us. In me.

So the question is begged. There is a manner in which all things from God can, and should, be enjoyed to God. Including emotions. Happiness, fear, grief. But what about frustration?

I suppose that’s why believers are exhorted so often about self-control. Perhaps that’s what’s behind Paul’s command to be "anxious for nothing" (Philippians 4:6). Maybe the goal is to never feel the emotion of frustration.

Which begs the next question. Why’d we get it then?