Preceding the first chapter in the book Messy Spirituality (a book my girlfriend gave me over Easter), there is a quotation from Robert Coles of The Wittenburg Door.

“I go to church and everyone seems to feel so good about themselves. Everyone calls themselves a Christian nowadays. How dare we call ourselves Christians? It’s only for Jesus to decide whether we are Christians or not. I don’t think He’s made a decision in my case, and I’m afraid that when He does I am going to be sent straight to hell. I don’t feel I can call myself a Christian. I can’t be satisfied with myself. We all seem to be pretty contented with ourselves in church and that makes me sick. I think all this contentment makes Jesus nervous.

No, obviously, there’s a lot that’s theologically wrong with that quote. For example, eternal assurance is something we can enjoy—though it has to be discovered for ourselves. It can’t simply be learned or spoken. And, of course, God’s eternal nature would seem to negate the feeling of ‘nervousness’.

But, I think there’s also a healthy humility about these words.

If we are Christians, it’s not because of anything we’ve done or not done. It’s because of grace. In other words, it’s because God has said so. In this way, Jesus decides if we are Christians. And, I think we would do well to see our faith and salvation in that way. I am a Christian because Jesus has decided so.

Puritan thinker and author William Gurnall, when writing about how we can have assurance when our various comforts have left us, shares this piece of insight:

Take heed thou thinkest not grace decays because thy comfort withdraws… Did ever faith triumph more in our Saviour crying “My God, my God!” Here faith was at its meridian when it was midnight in respect of joy.

These are thoughts we’re acquainted with. Most of us have already reasoned with our spirit that our standing with God isn’t necessarily measured by the comforts we’re enjoying. But, it’s good to be reminded.

Gurnall, then, reminds us that perhaps the highest peak of Christ’s faith rested on him as he hung on the cross. Yet, in that moment, there was perhaps nothing more emotionally and spiritually and physically painful. And likewise, we can remember that. 

We do not need our comfort to be full of faith and confidence in God’s power and love for us. It’s just there.

Although a lot about me has changed since becoming a Christian, to this day, the most notable change was inside. I can remember my thoughts before knowing Christ. They were self-centered in an absolute sense. Now, all Christians will struggle with self-centeredness. It’s not something that’s going to completely go away. But before coming to Christ, there was no struggle. All streams of thought led back to me.

It was after believing that I changed. The shift was subtle, but far reaching. As a Christian, the self-centeredness I will always have to fight, is now naturally swimming with a concern for other people, regardless of what benefit it might bring me.

After a discussion with an old friend the other night, I was thinking about the topic of assurance. Having confidence that we are numbered with the redeemed. It’s something we’re taught to find in the fruit of our life. If we are Christians, is it manifested somewhere? That’s where all these thoughts collide.

1 John 3:14:

“We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love, abides in death.”

Of course, this passage doesn’t nutshell everything I’ve just said. But the idea is represented.

When we shift from death into new life, the most notable change will be love. We’re all going to continue to struggle in various ways and to various degrees depending on where and through what God is leading us. But love will surely be present and it will guide more of us than we think. And I think there’s assurance in that.

I thought on this Sunday afternoon I would share with everyone a short quotation from the well written Thomas Watson. I stumbled upon this quote while perusing The Puritan Golden Treasury and it reminded me of how sweetly the Lord deals with us; not as we deserve, but with his grace and mercy.

“Whenever God pardons sin, He subdues it. Micah 7:19. Then is the condemning power of sin taken away, when the commanding power of it is taken away. If a malefactor be in prison, how shall he know that his prince hath pardoned him? If a jailer come and knock off his chains and fetters, and lets him out of prison, then he may know he is pardoned; so, how shall we know God hath pardoned us? If the fetters of sin be broken off, and we walk at liberty in the ways of God, this is a blessed sign we are pardoned.”

Watson’s thought here is one that I continually come back to. It’s both uncomfortable and comforting all at once. Scripture is clear that a simple profession will not save a person from the fires of hell. Whether we believe that our salvation hinge purely on the electing power of Christ, or on our true belief in Christ—this thought shouts loudly for introspection and a life lived very seriously.

How can we know we are saved? How can we know we are pardoned from sin? Sin’s reign in our lives will be decreasing and decreasing and although we will still sin we will grow consistently in holiness. So while our holiness will not save us—couldn’t save us—when we are saved, we begin to be holy.

We place ourselves in a dangerous position when we manufacture our own assurance. In truth, sin’s greatest threat is that the assurance of our salvation be broken; if our assurance is broken, then we might plead and beg for mercy, which will lead us to holiness and a more assured faith. Should we fall away finally, we would have found that mercy, grace and true belief were never really ours—the assurance of our salvation would be completely destroyed and in that place of fear and brokenness, we might beg that we would truly be given the mercy and grace that we had feigned.

Jesus, I pray that you would cause a great introspection in your church. I pray that we would look soberly at our lives and in the places we might have been denying or unduly easing our conviction. Jesus, I pray that if you would see fit to allow our assurance to shake, or crack, that you would do so to your glory and in order to establish our faith in you, causing us to truly grow in holiness. Jesus, I pray that where there is false assurance in me and in your church, you would remove it. For the sake of your glory, sanctify us God, by the power of the Holy Spirit.