Everyone loves shopping at Aldi. Well, everyone who wants to carry untold numbers of reusable grocery bags in their car, who always have quarters on them, and aren’t bothered by spectacular disorganization, anyway. Sometimes saving five bucks is worth it. Who am I to judge. Maybe it’s a principle thing. I just feel slighted when I know I could buy sour cream twenty cents cheaper up the road.
In any case, an impromptu question arose while browsing the store looking for food that didn’t have Mechanically Separated Chicken parts in it: “What if we bought one of everything in the store that cost less that 99 cents for some reason? And, would we die?”
The rules were simple, if it cost less than 99 cents, we had to buy it. However, only one within a single brand and category. For example, if two different kinds of jellied sardines (like, Original and Extra Mercury) from the same brand were both under 99 cents, we only had to buy one of them. We went with the Extra Mercury, of course. The tale is really an extraordinary story of wasteful use of disposable income. Also why the rest of the world hates us.
You can see the shame in our eyes and we haven't even started eating it yet.
With our pile of pseudo-food, we could confirm that the purchase didn’t bring about the apocalypse as was hypothesized. Or maybe it did, we’ll wait until Hurricane Irene has run her coarse to make that call.
It was time to get to the more pertinent question of whether or not we would die. So began our journey into utter disregard for the well being of our bodies. We ate some, if not all, of almost everything we purchased, with the exception of baking soda, paper towels, and things that were going to take too long to prepare. Which would have been great, except that dehydrated pig skin is pretty much ready to eat right out of the bag.
Long story short, because I can’t bare to recount all the horrifying details, we unfortunately didn’t die. Although my dog Mikey did throw up the better portion of the Canned Dog Food in Gravy that cost us a whopping $0.49. I’ll be seeking my money back on that one.
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