I just read the story of Josiah in 2 Kings a couple days ago. You probably recognize it. Josiah is the king who sets out to repair the temple. So he sends a priest into the treasury to get money out to pay the workmen. But while they’re there, the priest stumbles on the Book of the Law. He takes it back to Josiah and reads it to him. When Josiah hears what’s been written, he realizes that Judah is living in sin. He tears his clothes and mourns for Judah.

Then, he gathers all the people together and has the Book of the Law read to all of them, “great and small”. Through Josiah’s leadership, the people reform their ways and for the first time in many, many years they celebrate the Passover.

In the narrative timeline of 2 Kings, this is a really positive turn. The kind of moment that makes you say, “Yes!”. After reading, “so-and-so reigned in Israel so-many years and did evil in the sight of the Lord…” over and over again, things start to look bleak. Then Josiah comes along and you almost breath a sigh of relief—or you would if it were you first time reading the narrative.

But, the truth is that it didn’t last. Josiah is unexpectedly killed in battle and is succeeded by Johoahaz. Who, guess what, “did what was evil in the sight of the Lord”.

What a let-down. But I think the truth is that most Christians who’ve been walking for more than a few years can really relate to this—whether they recognize it or not. Life is made up of times of great spiritual strength and times of questioning where that strength went. Of course, both are guided by God and, in both, God is the defending agent. As soon as someone is met with their first time of spiritual trouble, they’re also sure to be met with false starts.

By that I mean a temporary resurgence in spiritual fervor. Like all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, there is fresh spiritual vigor. But, whatever was a bring down in the first place probably hasn’t finished causing trouble and the spark of energy is gone almost as quickly as it came.

I’m no foreigner to these ups and downs—and especially not the false start. For me, if I’m not aware of what’s going on, the discouragement can leave me in worse shape than I was in to start with. I’ve found that managing my expectations is fundamental in keeping myself from even deeper discouragement. It’s important to remember that the Spirit is never “business as usual”. He deals with us differently at different times out our life. I have to understand that any “start” could easily be a false start, but even if it is, it is for a reason and I should be patient and not give up hope during that time—whether it lasts or not. God is working all things for my ultimate good.

So, if you’re one who experiences the false starts frequently, or are experiencing one now, or just experienced one, or whatever—keep up hope. God is the defending agent and that’s a lot better than business-as-usual.

Charles Spurgeon says in All of Grace":

“It would be a very wonderful thing if one could stand at the foot of the Niagara Falls, and could speak a word which should make the river Niagara begin to run up stream, and leap up that great precipice over which it now rolls in stupendous force. Nothing but the power of God could achieve that marvel; but that would be more than a fit parallel to what would take place if the course of your nature were altogether reversed.”

We easily and often forget that sanctification is not our duty. In fact, we don’t really have the capacity to change our hearts at all—the necessary condition of real sanctification. Rather, it’s God’s work in the Holy Spirit.

No more could someone stand at the foot of the Niagara Falls and will the water to go back up, could a man stand in a mirror and will himself into a sanctified state.

I suppose in most ways, that’s a pretty encouraging reminder.

Between my house and my church stands one access road that is only one lane the whole way. At no point does the law provide any opportunities to pass, so if you get stuck behind some out-of-towner, you’re going to be going 30 miles an hour for about 20 minutes. It’s unbelievably annoying and frankly, among the few times in my car that I drive as annoyed as I feel.

Well, on one particular occasion I was driving to the evening church service with a friend, when just such an annoying driver pulled out in front of me at the last second. Besides having to slow down quickly, the prospect of driving so slowly the whole way weighed down on me and I voiced my frustration. My friend had some interesting thoughts to share. She reminded me of the fruits of the Spirit. But here’s the thing, my sad confession, I don’t think I’ve ever given much honest ear to the fruits of the Spirit. Then again, I don’t give much honest ear to anything that’s reproduced millions of times on a novelty gift plaque. Well, incidentally, this also happens to be the word of God and so at once I needed to consider it.

So what are the fruits of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There it is, patience, staring me in the face.

So that’s stuck with me ever since. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and when I act impatiently, I’m acting out of “step” with the Spirit and eventually will find myself in some manner of trouble.

So, yesterday I had a small bit of traveling to do. I had a job about 40 miles away on the other side of the city and it just so happed to be taking place right at the end of rush hour. So I left my house about two hours early with the intention of just finding a coffee shop to sit and read it until my job started. Unfortunately, things didn’t go so smoothly. My trip around the Beltway was easy enough, but once I headed into Virginia a poorly marked set of interchanges threw me off course by about 15 miles. When I finally discovered the problem, I was annoyed, but like a boy scout, I pulled out my maps and found a shortcut ultimately losing me almost no time at all.

The job went well, the couple and their children were delightful to work with and I got paid on the spot, which was another pleasant surprise. Leaving the job, I felt confident in my trip home because of my loss of direction the first time and my original need to orient myself to my surroundings. Things didn’t go well.

A series of three incorrectly marked exits put me onto rout 66, which apparently doesn’t believe in giving drivers any kind of opportunity to turn around. Again, I ended up roughly eight miles off course and unable to turn around. Eventually, an exit ramp presented itself. I took the exit, which ended up being a bad move. I got to the end of the off ramp and drove into a labyrinth of wrongly or completely unmarked roads. I drove back and forth looking for a way back onto the highway for about 10 minutes, which eventually erupted into my verbally abusing the proverbial road designer who wasn’t actually in my car to take my insults. Eventually, I found my way back onto the highway, inconspicuously about two miles away through a maze of roads.

From there, I finally did end up back on the Beltway where I didn’t encounter any more hang-ups, aside from the condition of my own bitter heart.

When I got home, the fruits of the Spirit came to my mind. I had effectively pushed them out during my drive. For about two hours in my car, I had a completely unbroken record of exhibiting not a single one of the fruits of the Spirit. What a terrible place to be. How awfully discontent I was. It’s times like that where I’d like to find myself clinging to the Spirit, and even in the midst of raw frustration, still somehow manage to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled.

I’ll keep working on that and surely Jesus will keep sanctifying me.

I find it to be most pleasant here. The grass is like the finest silk, and the richest color green that the eye can behold. Walking about in this garden, the sound of the water flowing is almost as a cool breeze crossing my ears. There is no other place in the world better than this; let alone another place at all. The fruits are most beautiful to my pallet and they are a pleasure to tend unto. It’s as if the temperature adjusts itself to ensure I’ll neither break a sweat nor shiver. The Animalia is all encompassingly agreeable to my fancy; for both my eye and my wonderment. The best though, oh the best is for last. The accord in this place is one which none could rival. Our engagement is so thorough and sweet; His mere presence is like a calming that falls upon me from a source unbeknownst, yet altogether more exhilarating than riding on the back of the most boisterous of creatures in field. Provision pours from Him, with everything I desire coming to me and me ever coming to Him. There are no limits to what He allows except for the diminutive section of agriculture that He seems to have set aside for other purposes. But to what extent does that matter to me? I have the greatest and most that there could be ever flowing from His hands; I could not imagine there could be more.

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From my own flesh He has given me even more. As if I were not content with all that He has given already; Himself, the creatures, the land, this breath I take even to this very moment. Yet His giving seems to find no end. It looks as if He even delights in the very look on my face when He has given and I believe it heartens Him to give even more. From my side he made me two. And even greater than the creatures in the field, this part of me is so fair and delightful. She is sweet to the taste and tender in touch. What a measure of love is this that He gives and gives and gives and when everything has been given, He, by His hand takes His already perfect creation and makes it even more so perfect by these stunning means. I am dazzling, yet fair in His sight; dare I say there is more that I could desire?

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In my fairest side I wandered today; finding myself gazing at the branches of the illicit tree. The soft, crisply colored leaves moved gently in the perfect breeze, and among them sat many vibrant red jewels of His crop. I wonder so absorbedly what could be within them; in my ear this idea rings, even right now. I know not of the dangers of this tree, for what does it mean to ‘die’? This I do not know, but I cannot ignore the greatness of His love for me. Even just to look on this forbidden tree brings me the greatest joy; as with all of the things He has made for me, it is perfect. And though perhaps for me it was made that tree to eat, most delicious and satisfying, but from this tree it was made for me not to eat for some reason I do not comprehend. I must run to tell myself of all these things.

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In whole I have returned to the prohibited tree; to discuss and to gaze. Even beneath this tree the shade clothes us in the most perfect manner that there is no sense of insufficiency to be considered. The bark of the tree creates a wondrous spectacle, an ambiguous pattern of endless fascination, winding up through and into the branches where the foliage takes its residence. Even the birds seem to have the most satisfying habitation among them; regardless of if they eat. It was during this inspection of the tree that the most dubious, long and slender annotations began to arise from one of the crawling creatures.

‘Die? You shall not die, but live as He lives!’ the creature says, constantly licking at the air in front of him. ‘Like a king with full understanding.’

My fairest side peered up at the limbs and branches while my dazzling side kept eyes fixed on our charlatan. Something new was at work within me as I listened to this creature speak. Even as the ground beneath me couldn’t be better suited for the soles of my feet, He could not be questioned on His goodness but this creature has asked me to just that. But under this tree it can be clearly seen that the limbs make great dwellings for the birds and the leaves quite full of pleasing shade. Then from this tree, how much better the fruit to the taste? Could it be that this is where His love has stopped, and His giving ceased; in the goodness of the fruit of this tree?

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This day, the gravest of errors has befallen me in all of my parts. I must hasten to explain, for where there once seemed endless space, there is not room for my memory anymore. Where I was formerly frenzied with thoughts of Him, I can only direct my thoughts to myself; my stomach was once filled with delight, now in spite of how much I eat, it is bitter and empty. Before my recollections have copiously vanished, I must be quick to give an account of what happened.

It was the cool and still dark hours of the morning; without regard to all of the contentment there was to be had around me, I lay awake pondering, not on Him as usual, but on the words of the creature by the tree. Feeling the perfect blades of grass on my backs, I could not consider them first; in my fairer side, I stood up yet ignoring the flawless temperature on my skin, the fullness of my belly, the gorgeous singing of the birds as the sun began to dawn. I ran swiftly to the forbidden tree, and found the creature waiting for me at its base. It was at this point that my dazzling side rose from sleeping to find my fairer side gone. But I knew where I had escaped to.

‘You will be like Him.’ Said the creature. ‘That is why He forbid you from touching, or eating from this tree. He is afraid that you will become like Him.’

The creatures words were so odious to Him, I’m sure. It was by them for the first time that I considered anything good that did not come from Him. For the first time, I loathed Him in my being for denying me something so good as to be like Him. How foolish I was. How absolutely foolish; to think that there could be anything good that did not come from Him.

I reached with my hand for the lowest morsel of ripe red fruit that hung from the tree. As I touched it I could feel something that felt like thunder running through my fingertips. The stem of the fruit broke from the tree and first a sense of openness swept over me on my parts; the same way one might feel walking out from under the shade of a large tree. I could feel my mouth begin to water; a sensation I was unfamiliar with. I felt for sure the new desire could only be satisfied by the fruit that I clutched in my hand. I raised the fruit to my lips and the creature below began to slowly lurch foreword in anticipation. It reached my lips, my teeth sliced through the outer skin and into the juicy white inside.

The first taste was most pleasant; as succulent as any other in the garden. I chewed it, but within my mouth it became hot, I could feel that it burned me. The skin inside my mouth became raw, and a wound developed. In panic I swallowed the bite I had taken, but a red fluid from inside me began to pour insatiably from my mouth. It flowed down my chins and onto my chest and breasts. I looked down at the apple in my hand; without delay it became blackened and withered. I dropped it revealing terrible burns and sores on the hands that held the fruit. The sores secreted red that dripped from my fingertips.

From the land behind us came a blowing cold wind. It caused chills to crawl up my spines and an uncontrollable shaking throughout all of my parts, especially my chins and knees. It was the blowing cold wind that highlighted the painfully disgusting appearance of my naked bodies. For fear that I might catch a glimpse of myself I scurried for something to cover this new feeling of regret.

As I crouched on the ground behind a large bush, the red fluid from my hand dripped onto the ground. Each drop made a kind of burning sound and blackened the turf that it landed upon. Slowly, as flowing, the blackened gray color spread out from around me. Starting in the center where my red fluid had landed; it inched slowly, but picked up speed as it got away from me. The air became colder, and I shivered more fiercely. The deadening in the grass reached the bush beside me, seemed to climb up the trunk and spread into the leaves, many of which started to fall off corresponding to the wind which grew stronger now.

The perfect blue in the sky was exchanged now for a dark grey. I could not see the sun anywhere, and there were no shadows cast by it. Nearly all the grass for as far as I could see was now a pale green and gray color. As I examined the land, I could see a small herd of deer in the field. I stared intently at them, and all at once there was something completely new. I could not explain what I saw, but in my being a new feeling of fear spread through my different members. I saw lion, so tame and gentle; I had often nestled within its large mane. But the quintessence of this creature had been altered. It lurked slowly toward the deer, when it had become close enough, it lounged on top and began to sink its claws and teeth into the deer’s flesh. Many of the heard ran, but the one who fell victim to the lion shrank to the ground and was torn to pieces. A red liquid spilled from it onto the earth until it did not move anymore. Some time passed, and the lion left the deer. When I was sure that it had gone, for I was now afraid of the creature, both of my members walked up to what was left. Staring down at it, I knew that this was death.

O the piercing of His voice. I cannot continue to recall anything but His voice. It echoes in my minds!

“What is this you have done!” His words are like daggers! They have sunken into me and I cannot pull them out! “Cursed is the ground because of you! For you are dust, and to dust shall you return!”

What pity has I for myself! “The serpent gave to me, and I ate!” I pleaded with Him, does He not understand that this was not my fault? But now all is darkness. I stared into His face as it faded from me; like I was sinking beneath the water and the last shafts of light shot through the surface for me to see. As I saw Him for the last, His voice was angry; but in His face there were tears. How cursed am I! For now, I am dead only my flesh keeps walking.

During the evening worship service tonight at my church we looked at God’s wrath against the sin of the people of Canaan in the book of Joshua. The message lead us to that beautiful old truth that we are saved by grace, God’s grace. Just as the people of Israel were not to think that God had chosen them for the promised land because of their merit (Duet. 9:4), neither should we ever think, even for a moment, that we have done anything to merit God’s favor and our salvation.

Agnus Dei was one of the songs we sung tonight. It’s always a beautiful song; it just sounds antique. Singing it often makes me feel some sense of connectedness to the generations of the church who have gone before me, worshipping the Lord. The song is beautiful and goes like this:

Alleluia alleluia
For our lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia alleluia
For our lord God almighty reigns
Alleluia
Holy holy
Are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
You are holy
Holy
Are you lord God almighty
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Amen

For whatever reason, I was poised to wonder some things about the song. Firstly being, “do I know what Alleluia actually means?” It was only seconds before the worship leader spoke up for everyone and reminded us that Alleluia, or Hallelujah, basically means, “Praise the Lord.” Then I went on thinking, why do we say “Praise the Lord for being almighty and reigning”? I certainly don’t mean to contend against it saying that we shouldn’t praise the Lord for that reason. It was more of a logically based question—why is God’s almighty power reason to praise him?

It dawned on me after some contemplation and quiet prayer that God’s almighty reining power is the sole reason we can count on his grace. If God was gracious and loving, but not all powerful, we would have no reason to be able to count on it actually being effective. So it makes good sense. “Praise the Lord, because he is all powerful, he reigns, there is nothing outside of his control, and there is nothing that will thwart his gracious plan; worthy is the Lamb, indeed!” That, my friends, is an incredible reason to sing Hallelujah—grace stronger than my sin, grace stronger, even, than my will.

Jesus, I pray that you would help me daily to remember your grace on my life. Help me to remember daily how you plucked me out of the darkness and brought me into your kingdom. Jesus, help me to respond to your grace in Holy Spirit powered gratitude and sanctification. Jesus, for your glory, keep us from idols.

I listened to a sermon today spoken by Donald Carson from the Resurgence conference. A good number of the talks from the conference are available for free on itunes; I highly recommend grabbing some and giving them a listen. Carson’s message, titled What is the Gospel, was a brief yet biblically complete definition of what exactly is meant when Paul or another Apostle speaks of the “Gospel”. I won’t go into lots of specifics about the sermon, I’d just like to share a brief thought that Carson had provoked.

In the beginning of his message, he discussed the various misinterpretations of what the “Gospel” is. Things from social justice, to political influence, to dogmatics; things that may hold some part of the “Gospel” but all fall in the periphery. He talked about our tendency to take the things that ought to be in the periphery and place them in the center; make them the point. He was speaking most specifically about when this happens regarding the things we are passionate about. We love and know the cross, but are passionate about politics. We love and know the resurrection, but we’re passionate about serving the homeless. These things may be good and in the right motive, honoring to God, but they shouldn’t ever be prominent over our insatiable love for Jesus.

Speaking to leaders and teachers, Carson gives an important reason:

“Our hearers are inevitably drawn to that about which we are passionate… My students are unlikely to learn all that I teach them…They are most likely to learn [that which] I am excited about.”

When I think back to my ministries, and even relationship, I see this to be overwhelmingly true.

As a younger believer, I was leading a small group of late middle-school early high-school kids. I can remember one week canceling small group for a Passion Conference in which John Piper spoke. During one of Piper’s messages, he said something newly articulated for me. He said that God was “God-centered” then went on to explain that if “you are God-centered because God is man-centered then you are man-centered.” Piper wore his passion for God all over his sleeve and that’s pretty much the only thing I remember from that whole conference. In a single sentence my entire relationship with the Lord was turned on its head. The whole thing made sense and from that moment on, I stopped being passionate about God’s cause (although like anyone, I still need to stay in check) and started being passionate about God. When I got home I distinctly remember re-teaching Piper’s message to my small group. I was so excited to find out that this whole life boils down solely to the glory of God that there just wasn’t much I could say to them that wouldn’t quickly work back to that point. In that way, not a whole lot has changed since then.

Whether it sunk in or not, it’s one of the few things that really stuck with the group. In later meetings if I would pose any kind of abstract question, someone would almost undoubtedly shout out “because of the glory of God!” or “for the glory of God!” The point is, after years of interacting and teaching and discussing what (intellectually at least) stuck with them was this core point that I was passionate about.

When I think today, especially about teachers and my own (albeit limited) position in the public eye, I think that we should be careful that our passion is not on God’s cause or the other things of the periphery of his Gospel, but square on Jesus, always on Jesus. In this way what others might remember about what we say and do will be Jesus, instead of our quickly fading causes.

Jesus thank you that there isn’t anything more meaningfully placed in the center besides you. Jesus, I pray for myself that you would give me humility for careful introspection. Help me determine where my passion lies; on you, or on the periphery. Jesus, I pray for your church at large that you would direct her to be a fiery lover focusing squarely on you. By your Holy Spirit, sanctify us for your glory, God.

Condemning the church is something that I am notoriously guilty of. When I was a young Christian, I very quickly took a job as an employee of a local Christian Bookshop. It didn’t take long before I was pretty much completely jaded. Isle after isle of self-help junk in the name of Jesus nauseated me. In no way at all did it match up with what I found in scripture. I was so angry. I considered it a righteous anger. I vented my frustration to pretty much anyone who would listen; friends, co-workers, supervisors—it didn’t really matter. A day came when they got in a shipment of Christian lotions and I’d had enough. I’m pretty sure I finished out the work day and quit. The store owner was surprisingly supportive; he knew of my mounting frustration and gave me grace to just leave (although I’m sure that I would have even without his blessing).

It was around the same time that I also became an influential leader in a community of youth and more specifically a youth program. Everything started out just fine, but along with my jadedness from the bookstore came a cynicism toward the church at large. What I saw in the bloodsucking christian industry, I projected onto the local church. I became bitter, angry, distrusting and most of all unloving.

The interesting thing is that much of my judgment, bitterness and anger was, in fact, founded in some level of truth. It’s true that the church, she isn’t healthy. But where I failed, most prominently, was to miss the fact that neither was I particularly healthy. I became so engrossed in the church’s flaws that it paralyzed my worship. I couldn’t give my worship to God on a Sunday morning because of how entrenched I was in her problems. I couldn’t give my worship on my own because I was usually so satisfied with my own proper spirituality, in contrast to the rest of the church. My own “genuine” faith. Now, I don’t mean to say that my faith wasn’t genuine; the Lord had awoken me, brought me to life and began a powerful work therein. However, my faith was deeply wounded by a sin that I permitted in the name of discernment; but discernment without love is nothing, and so my faith suffered.

It hasn’t been until this past year, maybe a year and a half, that my mindset has begun to change and the Lord has helped me to break old habits. I realized recently that I, as well as much of the members of the local church, is the Church. I cannot complain about here, because I am her. It does her no good to point a finger and a frown at her and shout out all her many flaws—even if I’m right. The best way that I can bring about change is if I, being the church, change. Do I want her to be encouraging? Then I need to encourage. Do I want her to be selfless? Then I need to be selfless. Do I want her to love God passionately and worship him daily? Then I need to love God and worship him daily. The calling the Lord has on my life, to love him and others, is not at all contingent on other people. When I am consumed with the church’s problems, I can’t do either.

I’m finding today that my heart is changing. I’m longing more for the grace to personally walk out this life before God. Along with that the Lord is also beginning to give me a more righteous sorrow for the church and in turn a more gracious, compassionate, loving attempt to see her change. I’m finding that I am better able to worship, pray and seek God in adverse situations—places or circumstances that would normally set off my cynicism. Gradually the church’s problems are becoming fuel for my own introspection and intercession. I believe this is the place where large scale change and reform may happen. Believers who see the problem (I know several of them; there must be more), we have to stop pointing the finger toward the solution and start living the solution.

Jesus, I pray that you would increase the humility in my own heart. Jesus, I pray that you would gradually or radically (either way) awaken our hearts for our deep need to seek you, take you seriously, and trust you. Jesus, I pray that you would get great glory in your me and in the rest of your church. Jesus, continue to sanctify us!