My birthday passed recently. No, I won’t say exactly when. And It’s no secret, I don’t like them. Well, not all birthdays. Just not mine. I don’t like that kind of attention. This however seems to be something people can’t stand about me, and instead insist on finding a way to make a big deal out of it.

But I suppose at the end of the day I appreciate that people care, even if it is unbelievably annoying.

Well, since my friends and family seem to be full of wise-cracks over my disdain for birthdays, I thought I’d share the birthday cards I received from them. Don’t worry, there’s only two.

This one comes from my friend Amy who sarcastically struck out her “happy birthday” message.

If you read this blog often, you’ll also know that I absolutely loath children’s television. Especially Miley Cyrus. Well, not as a person. Just as a role model for my 10 year old niece. Well, I suppose based on that, my family seemed to think this card was perfect for me.

Anyone who reads this blog regularly, or who knows me personally probably knows that I have my hesitations and convictions about what we consider the large, organized, ‘corporate’ church. Not speaking, necessarily of people, but of the organization they create and maintain.

But I still I don’t think there is too much that’s more important that being a part of the natural and organic body of Christ.

In other words, having Christian friends and living life with them.

While I was reading in Ecclesiastes today, I came upon Solomon’s own argument for the same thing. I think he says it better than I do.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I’ve been avoiding this for my own reasons.

To the left is 14 year old Christopher Jones. He died this week. The circumstances surrounding his death are still somewhat of a mystery to me as most of the news articles can’t seem to agree on their story. But regardless, two boys have been arrested in connection with his death. One 14 and the other 16. His death was no accident, but to what degree it seems unclear.

Chris was a intermittent attendee of the Anne Arundel County local church, MACC. But more specifically, in past years, he would occasionally attend the small group which one of my closest friends lead.

This has been a trying few days for the whole community of people connected to Chris. Whether they knew him or not, when a kid is killed, it sends shockwaves through the community. This is absolutely no exception. People have dealt with their grief, confusion and anger in different ways. Some in healthier ways than others—some avoiding the issue all together (I fall primarily into the last group).

The reality is, Chris’ death presents us, me, with my true mortality. Although I never knew Chris, It forces the issue that life, the basic tenants of existing, aren’t guaranteed. And even in their true and incredibly fragile state, I have only barely begun to scratch the surface of understanding them. The delusion of getting this life crumbles quickly when reality can shout louder than the fingers in my ears are able to muffle.

Yesterday my friend who lead the small group called, shaken. He asked whether I thought that all things that happened glorified God. I had to admit that on some level all things must glorify God—although how, I cannot understand. This inability to understand is a great source of struggle for me and for my faith and for my intellect.

God has promised that not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from his will (Matt. 10:29). So, while I cannot even begin to understand Chris’ death, I must believe that there is design in it and no matter how painful that reality may be, it is meant for good and for glory which, one day, hopefully, we’ll be able to understand.

I know that I personally have failed to respond to this situation, and others, in a way that truly glorifies God beyond my basic human functions. And I know that I have failed to uphold brothers as they struggle in the same way. And for this, I pray that there is grace too.

_______

Lord, hear my prayer.

Jesus. I would be a liar if I understood how to come to you in prayer. Although the words maybe true, I would speak as a liar if I rolled a series of God exalting praises off my tongue and told you how righteous you are for your decision to allow (or to cause, I cannot know) Chris’ death. I can’t, in honesty, thank you for this turn of events. So I speak honestly to you, as a loving Father who knows my heart.

God, I’m upset that so many of the people I love have to suffer from the loss of Chris, someone they loved. I’m upset that so much of this life is groping around in the dark wondering what’s next and how to get there. I’m upset that so much of this life is chocked up to ‘faith’, and I’m upset that I have such a difficult time wrapping my hands around ‘faith’ and grace and trust and love.

God, I want to love you. I want to trust you. I want good and glorious things to come from Chris’ death, and God, I want to have faith that it will.

Although I struggle to trust you, I try my best to believe that you are working all things for the good of those who love you. That your plan is better than our plan. That if you have intentioned suffering in our lives, even suffering like the loss of a loved one, it is for our good and your glory. God, in all of those who are suffering now as they grieve for Chris, offer consolation through the life, death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus.

God, I pray for Chris’ family; particularly his mother and father. I pray that you would comfort them. I pray for Chris’ peers, friends, mentors and acquaintances, that you would comfort them. God, I pray for Chris’ assailants, that you would also visit them with comfort. And God, by the blood of your son Jesus, I pray that you would use Chris’ death to prime all of these aforementioned individuals to hear and accept your great Gospel of forgiveness. God, by the blood of Jesus, I pray that you would not allow Chris’ death to be in vain, but that you would bring about saving grace in a great many through it.

God, although I struggle to believe, I affirm that you are good and that you are worthy of our love and our lives. Jesus, prove yourself faithful for all of us whose faith, for whatever reason, is shaking.

I had a great conversation with some friends around a hookah tonight. Of course we jumped all over the place. But at once, one friend shared an excellent observation about faith. His faith specifically, but applicable to all honest faith, I think.

Faith cannot be because of the evidence; otherwise it wouldn’t be faith. But evidence can cause us to stand more firmly in the faith we hold.

I think this is an excellent observation. I didn’t search out the evidence supporting Christ’s lordship then make a logical decision to have faith. Rather, before I really knew what was going on, Christ changed me heart and faith was born. Now, I stand more confidently in my faith knowing that strong evidence also supports it.

I think this also is the trap of street-corner apologetics (so to speak). Souls are not won on the evidence, they’re won on the message.

So kudos to Zach for a thought provoking observation. And on that, lets try and save souls the way God would have us, with His message, rather than our argument.

James 4:4 says,

“You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

In the past couple weeks this verse has become a bit haunting to me. I know that it doesn’t speak directly to my situation, but the principals apply nonetheless.

As I’ve been developing a discipline in prayer of the past couple of months, one of the things I’ve tried to make a priority is prayer for the lost. Specifically individuals in or around my life that don’t know Jesus yet. I think this has begun to deepen the seriousness of their plight in my heart and mind. When I’m around them, their spiritual condition is more on the forefront of my mind than it was in the past.

The trouble is, though my mind is there, my actions aren’t following yet.

It was recently that I was out with a handful of believers and about as many non-believers. At some point during the evening, I looked around and noticed that we weren’t too much different from them. At least not obviously. I don’t mean to imply these were particularly rough people. They were friendly, nice enough and weren’t even especially vulgar. But they weren’t loving either.

Neither were we.

And that’s the problem. Not especially loving to each other, to them or obviously to anyone else. I can’t help but wonder how we expect questions about “the hope that we have” when we’re not even obviously different.

Now, please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that we dawn exclusively black and white attire, with big hats and belt buckles. Nor am I really suggesting that there should be frivolous encouragements thrown around. I’m simply saying that our choices and actions should be shining with love for each other. That is how the world will know we are Jesus’ disciples–heck that’s how I became a believer.

I can’t help but feel like God is often working in spite of his Church, rather than through it.

It seems that people often read verses in the bible about the way God works through believers and assume that it’s true of them. But simply because the bible says that God does it, doesn’t mean he always does it. And, judging my what I’ve seen throughout most of my walk, in me and in my brothers and sisters, it seems unlikely that those verses are talking about us!

I would like to see, through prayer and Spirit lead sanctification, my own choices and my own attitudes, along with the whole church, shift. So that when the world sees us they will actually have a reason to wonder.

Something I’ve never really done is play sports. There are various contributing factors in that, the most notable probably being that I’ve just never been all that captivated by them.

Never in elementary, middle or high school was I ever a player on any kind of organized team. I think if I remember right, I tried to play soccer for like two weeks when I was 8 or 9. But that might be some composite memory I picked up from TV or something.

Long story short, that pretty much puts me in a position now where I neither care about sports nor am I any good at them when it comes to participating myself. I could care less which team wins the Super Bowl and probably I couldn’t kick a ball into a net to save my life.

But, I think I’d like to change that.

So, the past couple of weeks I’ve been giving it an honest effort to cultivate some interest and skill in some kind of sport. I have to admit, things aren’t going particularly well.

Last Sunday I went with some friends to watch the Redskins Cowboys game. In the beginning, I didn’t really know what was going on (being that I’ve never had an interest), but thanks to wikipedia, my iPhone and some helpful insights from a friend, by the end of the game I was pretty well clued in. Apparently I was supposed to be excited that the Redskins won? I don’t know.

But also, I’ve been trying to give it some effort myself as well. A very patient friend has been playing tennis with me. Here’s the thing, I really might be the worlds worst tennis player. If I’m not missing the ball completely, I’m sending it soaring over the fence. It’s seriously annoying.

All that been said though, I am giving things an honest effort. I really would like to not be an outsider in the world of playing and enjoying sports.

So, wish me luck!

Two years ago, my friend Dave moved into my parent’s house. Some complications with school and complications with home made moving in a pretty good idea. And, since my parent’s have always been generous and inviting folks, Dave stayed for free.

Several months ago, Dave joined the Navy. That means his stay is coming to an and and, for a while at least, we’ll have to say goodbye.

Dave is also an active member of a Trinity Community Church, which is not too far away. While he’s only been there a little under a year, he’s developed strong relationships, he’s a youth leader and it shows.

Which brings me to my point:

Tonight I was taken back by the response of his church at the opportunity to send Dave off. Nearly 40 people showed up, on last minute notice, from Dave’s church. Their affection and friendship, I feel, is a model of how the church ought to look. I was encouraged, and I think Dave was as well.

Without question, Dave will be dearly missed while he’s away.