We’ve all got these people. The ones who are challenging to have relationships with for one reason or another. Maybe they’ve got a really prideful attitude. Or, maybe they’re constantly debasing themselves for attention. Or maybe they’ve got a mentality that the world has wronged them and everyone somehow owes them for it.

You get the point. These are difficult people to love, let alone be in relationship with—Especially when they’re in the church.

These are often the most difficult people to pray for. You might even find yourself praying selfish prayers for them. Prayers that revolve more around their changing to be an easier person for you to deal with than for their own real benefit.

When I’m praying for a person who is particularly difficult for me, I usually stick to these prayer habits:

1. First, I pray for humility on my part.

A lot of the time, what makes a person difficult is that in one way or another they press my own pride and make me want to assert myself. This is unnecessary and a hindrance to my prayers and love.

2. Second, I pray for patience on my part.

Being impatient makes everything seem worse than it really is. In relationships like these, it’s easy to blow someone’s behavior out of proportion. Gone unchecked, this sometimes results in my demonizing that person. With patience, this is less likely to happen.

3. Third, I pray for compassion on my part.

People with really aggravating mannerisms, victim-mentalities, and unprovoked prideful-self assertion (I’m sure there are others) issues almost never get that way for no reason. And, the behavior almost never stops there. Often it has to do with identity and self-worth issues; things that, with time, Jesus brings healing to. So I pray for compassion to remember that these things are an indication that this person needs Jesus just like me.

4. Finally, I pray that God would convict sin, bring encouragement, increase faith and ground in community.

Sin always hinders us and discouragement often holds us back. So, I pray that God would bring healing in these places and that with it, their faith would increase. Community is an essential part of these changes in our lives, so I pray that they would find deeper roots in the Church.

Obviously, where I know of pressing issues in their hearts, I also pray for those. But usually only after having prayed for myself.

Jesus commanded us to pray for our enemies. How much more to pray for our brothers and sisters who just really get under our skin. With grace and by prayer all of us will have the strength to do it. So, lets do it.