I’m a night owl. I always have been. My whole family is, really. My father and mother sometimes stay up until two or three in the morning watching TV, drinking tea or working on crossword puzzles together. When my mother goes to bed, then my father really gets to work on all kinds of different computer projects.

Of course, through some cosmically anointed, super human, ability, both manage to be up by 9:30. I’ve stopped trying to explain it.

Well, I can’t do that, but I got the first half pretty much down pat.

I always seem to get my best work done at night. Maybe it’s the lack of distractions or the limited options in what else I could be doing. Whatever it is, the hours of 11:00pm to about 4:00am, my productivity skyrockets… if I let it.

If I don’t let it, I have nights like tonight. Eight successive episodes of LOST in a row, spanning the hours of 10:30pm to about 5:00am, with one or two short intermissions in between. I know, it’s stupid. But I don’t regret it.

Sometimes we’re gonna have binges, but this one I get to have with my parents. And, it doesn’t hurt that LOST is a freaking sweet show.

Moral of the story: I’d have something more interesting to write about tonight had I not just thoroughly numbed my brain with network television. Lesson learned, right? Unlikely.

The health wealth and prosperity gospel seems to be one of the great heresies of our day. There are the obvious manifestations of it in the media and some mega-churches, but I think that it appears subtly in most churches. In most of our churches. In most of us.

Money is a touchy subject for me. I cannot say exactly why, but since becoming a Christian, it’s always been a sensitive topic—the way the church chooses to use her money. The way I choose to use my money.

John Piper I am convicted by and agree with John Piper:

“We have been taken in by the half-truth that says we glorify God with money by enjoying thankfully all luxuries He enables us to buy. The true half is this: we should give thanks for every good thing God gives us. That does glorify Him. The false half is the subtle implication that God can be glorified in this way by every decent purchase we make.”

John Piper –
Brothers We are Not Professionals

When we’re spending so much money on our selves, we have less money to prove (to others and to ourselves) that indeed we do love Jesus more than we love our money. I hope I will be able to heed my own contention.

Tonight while reading, this scripture caught my attention. it did not go and did not became quite clear.

Proverbs 18:1 says:

“He who separates himself seeks his own desire,
     he quarrels against all sound wisdom.”

“Separates himself” from what? The world, from people, from God, from true wisdom? It’s unclear. The varying translations confuse things further and no two commentators seem to agree.

I guess I will wait patiently for this one.

“If you say within your heart, "Jesus cannot save such a one as I am; if I had marks and evidences of being God’s child, I could then trust in compense of reward; you have cast away your shield, and the darts of the tempter will wound you terribly. Cling to Jesus even when it is a question whether you have a grain of grace in your hearts. Believe that he died for you, not because you are consecrated or sanctified, but died for you as sinners, and saves you as sinners. Never lose your simple trust in the Crucified, for only by the blood of the Lamb can you overcome sin and be made fit for the Lord’s work.”

Charles Spurgeon -

“…Even when it is a question whether you have a grain of grace in your hearts”. Jesus died, not for the just but for the unjust. He came to “save sinners,” the only ones who need saving. Thank you Mr. Spurgeon.

Dear LOST,

With all the time we’ve been spending together over the past few weeks, my past behavior has really been on my mind. I used to think you were kind of a drama queen. Like, you always needed all the attention and any time any little thing went wrong it was like the world was ending. But I see now that I was wrong.

I can remember when you first showed about five years ago and all my friends wanted to spend all their time with you. They all thought you were so cool. I didn’t have any good reason to, but I refused to get to know you. I guess maybe I was just jealous. Secretly I was angry that everyone thought you were so cool. And, to tell you the truth, I even wished I’d met you when you first showed up, but it was too late. I resented you for that.

But ever since we’ve been spending time together, I see why everyone loved you so much. Your fun, exciting, dramatic, funny, mysterious. You’re the whole package. What more could I possibly want?

I know you’re not perfect. Sometimes Jack can really be annoying and I’m pretty much constantly wishing someone would hit Sawyer over the head with something. But you know what? None of that matters. Because we’re together now. The past is behind us, and I can only look foreword to hundreds more special moments we’ll surely share together.

So LOST, I’m sorry that I was selfish and judgmental. Thank you for forgiving me and lets never fight again.

With love,
William

PS – Please try to keep scratched DVD’s to a minimum. I don’t want it ruining any of our special moments.

Occasionally, the idea the life is a one-shot deal freaks me out. Essentially, no ones going to make it. In a totally naturalistic sense, no one is winning cause everyone’s gonna die. I suppose they’re the same thoughts Solomon was pondering when he penned Ecclesiastes.

People say life is about making mistakes. But that seems stupid, even for a non-Christian. The idea of mistakes implies a standard of correctness. If the standard of correctness were determined by a person’s intention in doing whatever it was they set out to do, then they’re whole life could be evaluated based on their success of that thing. As far as right and wrong are concerned, black and white would just be gray. But as far as success and failure are concerned, there couldn’t be sharper contrast.

But I think that’s what gets me.

No one is getting a second chance at this thing. Yet, everyone (including myself) really seems to embrace the idea that it doesn’t need to be done right. As if we’ll do it better the second time around. That seems to be a pretty big logic gap. It’s not like this is really a learning experience. What good is knowledge if it can’t ever be used?

“The whole matter of making choices is very complex. Most of the time our choices are not limited to two. We have a whole network of desire factors that work within us. Often they are in conflict; rarely are they at a consistent level of intensity. Some days I have an intense desire to serve Christ and obey God. At other times I am listless in my faith and not very zealous to obey God. But one thing remains constant: I always make my choices according to the strongest inclination I have at the moment of decision. For example, if my desire to obey God were always greater than my desire to sin, I would never sin. When I sin, on the other hand, it is because I want to sin more than I want to obey God. Nobody forces me though many may entice and encourage me to sin. It is precisely because I sin according to my desires that God holds me responsible for my actions.”

RC Sproul
Reason to Believe

I couldn’t have said it better myself. So I won’t try. Makes me think of Romans 7. Makes me think of how frustrating it is to be stuck a human being.