Thus far in the book Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers by John Owen, I’ve completed three chapters, along with a group over at Challies.com (go here to read more). I must say, so far, chapter three has been by favorite, and in a way I think it maybe ought to have been the first chapter.

            The Holy Spirit, “He only is sufficient for this work” of mortification, as Mr. Owen states right in the beginning of this chapter. I think that is why this chapter has been my favorite. It is all about my insufficiency to mortify sin on my own; how can my flesh mortify itself? (Mark 3:25). With all of the schemes and ideas and plans we come up with to rid ourselves of sin, none will avail unless motivated, powered and completed by the Holy Spirit. I think Mr. Owen quotes our own hearts very well when he says, “Men are galled with the guilt of sin that has prevailed over them; they instantly promise to themselves and God that they will do so no more; they watch over themselves and pray for a season until the heat [becomes] cold and the sense of sin is worn off—and so mortification goes also, and sin returns to its former dominion.” How many times to we fall under some habitual sin and in our guilt put our foot down saying, “I’m done with this!” This is not mortification by the Spirit, it is by the flesh and will fail; or so my life has certainly shown.

            Mr. Owen explains that although there are many “streams” of mortification, they should never be confused with the “fountain.” To me this is key. It is not my discipline that overcomes my sin, it is the Holy Spirit, perhaps working through my discipline. The difference is subtle, but one leaves way for the returning of sins that would have me dead, if it were up to them.

In the later part of his text, Mr. Owen talks about the “saddest” state of warfare against sin; that “a soul under conviction from the law is pressed to fight against sin, but has no strength for the combat.” For me, this is a condition that I have found myself in, a pray against for myself and the church, Mr. Owen says, “Sometimes they think, indeed, that they have foiled sin, when they have only raised a dust that they see it not; that is, they distemper their natural affections of fear, sorrow, and anguish, which makes them believe that sin is conquered when it is not touched. By the time they are cold, they must go to the battle again; and the lust which they thought to be slain appears to have had no wound.” I know this has been the condition of my heart before, and I confess the guilt of having realized this condition sometimes has put me in even rougher condition.

I appreciate this chapter greatly for acknowledging and bolstering the truth that mortification is a work of the Spirit, not of my putting my foot down and doing the job right!

This link was posted on Challies.com; it was too good not to share. Check it out: http://dailyrumors.blogspot.com/2007/11/15-brilliantly-timed-sports-photos.html

My favorite is the basketball player licking the other basketball players armpit. Priceless! I’ll write some more, important things later today. Until then, enjoy!

            During small group last night a discussion about spiritual gifts arose. One of the guys in the group suggested that instead of just talking about them, that we should just crack open the Word and read about them. We read from 1 Corinthians 12 & 13 (with the intention of going through 14, but we ran out of time). We had a good conversation and then before spending some time in prayer together we were discussing whether or not we’d continue the current dialogue into the next few weeks or if we’d move onto something else. The decision was somewhat unanimous that we would remain in the discussion and in the Word about the topic. But just before the conversation closed, someone suggested that instead of just talking about it, that we take it home with us and pray earnestly to understand, because we could have a “year of conversations, or one good day of revelation.”

            I think his words couldn’t ring more true. I don’t want to suggest that there is not place for conventional learning and conversation. I think those things are usually (even by the will of God) essential. But rather, I’d like to make the point that those things alone are useless and lead nowhere apart from the revelation of Christ; like the Athenians who by all there philosophy and wisdom erected an alter to “an unknown God” (acts 17:23). We by our carnal wisdom cannot come to know God (1 Corinthians 1:21), and by the power of our own minds, we cannot understand Him or the things He does (1 Corinthians 2:14).

            So what do I mean by this? Not that we should abstain from conventional learning, conversation, reasoning. Rather, that we should abstain from that first. I believe it is a true statement that we could spend a year digging through the scriptures, pining over commentaries, engaging in conversations with the most learned godly men, but apart from the Spirit of God, it will end in useless intellectualism. I submit rather, that we put intention in our prayers and faith so that we would first trust in revelation from Christ for understanding, and second anticipate or even seek the vessel which it will come through. In that way, we might see God give us in one day, what we could not get in a life time of seeking on our own.

As I am reading through Ralph Venning’s The Sinfulness of Sin, I am continually coming across truths that were obvious all along but perhaps I did not give notice to. When dealing with the topic of sin especially, these things are profound (for me at least), probably because I’m in this sort of perpetual cycle of sin, oops, repent, sin, oops, repent, sin, oops, and so on and so on. When a biblical truth about sin is highlighted, it seems to me to appear very brightly throughout my daily life.

            In the current (and incredibly long) chapter of The Sinfulness of Sin, Mr. Venning is presenting the argument that pretty much everything in existence (even the “enemy” as we call him) bears witness to the wickedness of sin. When I first started reading this, I thought to myself, “well duh, sin is by its definition wicked.” But as I read on it became clear to me that sin was something far greater than a definition for things I do that I shouldn’t do. Sin is what caused Lucifer to fall from Heaven. That same thing today attempts to drag me to the pits of hell; it is more than simply a definition, it is the very essence of not-God. There are thoughts stirring in me on that subject, but for now I just wanted to quickly say something about that.

            “For the wages of sin is death…” as it states in Romans 6:23, and then in James 1:15 it says, “…after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” This is a truth that has been in my line of sight the whole time, clearly seen but perhaps not acknowledged for what it really was. Sin leads to death. It was by sin that death entered. Whenever a fleeting thought of lust, pride, vengeance or covetousness enters my mind if not resisted (by the grace of God), it will give birth to sin, which if allowed to come into full maturity will lead to death. There is no innocent sin; every sin, were it not for the grace of God, would lead to death.

I followed hard after sin
Thinking of somehow it would fulfill me
Realizing in the end
It was only out to kill me   

            The lyrics of the Jason Upton song “Whistle in Your Will” (found on his album, Dying Star) describe it perfectly. “I followed hard after sin, thinking somehow it would fulfill me.” Somehow before falling under conviction some of my sins can seem almost innocent; but in the end it’s clear it was only out to “kill me.”

            My prayer is that by the grace and will of God, I would be able to see that all sin is out to kill me before I collapse under the power of temptation. And that through this I would be able to more wholly glorify God, and be more wholly satisfied in Him and His redemption that is through Jesus Christ.

            This is the better portion of a four paged email I received from a Ms. Destiny Sweet; a 51 year old sister in Christ who is absolutely in love with her God and Savior. She sent me this email after a few back and forths between us. A lot in this email was very encouraging to me. Her vernacular is a little bit more “charismatic” (as much as I hate that word) than most, but there is great wisdom in her words I feel. So I wanted to share it with all of you. I haven’t change anything; only formatting. Don’t be afraid, her story is riveting; three pages will fly by!

            “I noticed you are reading about sin, dealing with sin etc. by your writings on the subject. This is encouraging in a day when so few are willing to examine their own hearts before God and I ask God to bless your efforts…and it occurred to me last night to share something with you that I experienced while going through a season of deep cleansing and inner healing brought about by my fervent desire to walk in divine (agape) love continuously, consistantly like Jesus. In answer to my prayers for God to make it so, and in order to reveal to me what prevented me from attaining my goal, He gave me this vision.

I was joyously dancing in what appeared to be a large living room with only an easychair, a small table and lamp sitting over to one side on a large intricately woven, extraordinarily beautiful rug. There was plenty of space to dance freely and my eyes and hands were raised to the heavens, how wonderful, my heart was soaring, then suddenly plump! Splat! I was on my face; on the ground…Wondering what had happened.” I’ll show you what you tripped over, that caused you to fall…Look!” and He raised the edge of the rug and behold a big pile of dirt, clear as could be! I’d not noticed it before. He said” This is all of the things that you didn’t know what to do with every time you swept up your living room and in moving the dirt onto the dust pan, a few grains would fall off the broom or refuse to go into the dustpan and being so small as to barely be noticeable, you simply swept it under the rug…well as time has gone by it has accumulated and now serves to trip you up and cause you to fall flat on your face…these are the old wounds from your past you have not known how to be free from, and though my love has been as a covering, I am going to teach you how to get rid of this mess for good!” end of vision.

Suddenly everything in my life seemed geared, divinely choreographed to bring this very thing about. Briefly He began to walk me through years and years of painful memories(brutal beatings, abandonments betrayals, rejections, homelessness, great danger, rapes, stalkings, kidnappings, near murders, hunger, wrongful imprisonment, and all of this before I was 19 yrs old… (I know… some folks have all the luck!) I was always so efficient in my domestic life and responsibilities…a real doer… but I began to lose my ability to: cook 3 and 4 course meals from scratch, home school my little ones, keep up with dishes laundry… make baby clothes and shirts for my husband, throw baby showers, grow and care for a huge garden and a houseful of plants, read stories and sing the children to sleep, run my own home business, bible studies and church…you get the picture.

so I began to go through such powerful memory healings…That would leave me unable to do all the things that had made me feel like I was a competent and productive human being… the older ones were in public school, I could barely boil hotdogs and burnt toast more often than not. I seemed to no longer see the dirt and had to struggle to remember to start a load of laundry. I even began to watch television during the day to change the channel in my head… Lighten the heavy focus of the places I was taken during these “sessions”.

Now it is good to know here that I had always scorned those who watched soap operas, never having found them to be interesting or useful… How can they do this? I’d wonder…but not with kindness. It had seemed to me that God was saying ‘Here, take your mind off this now and watch these people acting out these dramas” At one point I took a look at myself and said ‘Lord, look at me here I’ve become a couch potato and watching( though it was only two) soap operas…I am not doing anything … how can this be right? These sessions come on for 3 days at a time and it takes me three more just to recover enough, digest it all and gather my wits to be able to go to church and be public… and on and on with this type of thing. Can you guess what His reply was to this? I will tell you…” So it bothers you that you are not able to function very well during this time of healing… you used to be a human doing and now you are just a human being… you are so used to defining yourself by what you can do, accomplish for Me or your family as though anything you could do would make Me love you anymore than I already do. This kind of doing has been born of the wrong motive in you out of fear of rejection and failure. I would establish in you a new way of being so that all of your doing would spring forth from your being… your being here just like this in my Presence… whether you are accomplishing anything that others could see or would agree is of value… First and foremost you must know my deep and abiding love for you so you can show others who I truly am.”

With this… and the realization that I had gotten to live out my own judgment, being truly sorry for being so cruel and unkind in my thinking, prayed for all the characters in the soaps to say goodbye to these ‘friends’ who’d kept me company and I’d grown to care about… silly I know, but I even wrote endings for their drama with each finding Jesus and going on to come to know Him…With the slow return of my ability to function, I was still going through these spirit led sessions… and I started attending a different church where they announced a women’s deep inner healing class using a book I’d been reading through. This made the whole experience less oddball…though I still had a lot more too learn…with each memory I learned about the effect these things had upon me…the perpetrators all had to be remembered and forgiven… .The emotion I’d never allowed myself to feel before had to be retapped and released…wrongful attitudes that I’d developed due to repressing all this had to be examined and confessed so that God could remove them. I’d been doing this all along…what changed was that with all those other great sisters praying, I was able to learn that I was quite angry with God and that was exposed… moving an enormous block out of the way. Quite the intense process, as you might imagine.

It was during this season that I had this experience that I offer you as a balancer when you are in the process of examining your heart before God. My son Tres, the youngest of 3 sons and one daughter, was 3 at the time and down with the “croup”, a scary affliction that seemed to hit only the boys during the winter. When this would happen, my husband and I would work as a team to alleviate their suffering and help them to breathe easier. I’d turn on the hot water in the shower to create a steam room effect and he would carry them into the steam and then out into the night air as this opened the throat, and of course I would pray as I set up the small device( beside their bed ) to create a mist of moist air. It was a routine we’d become very accustomed to over the years.

But one afternoon just as I’d finished cleaning most of the house, I heard the pitiful wail of my little one from his bedroom! Oh my goodness…I’d forgotten that he was not feeling well! I’d forgotten about him for maybe hours! Filled with guilt and shame, I rushed to his side and began apologizing for not taking better care of him…I was so stricken and acting so strange that he became upset to see me like that and kept telling me ‘No, mom! It’s ok! You didn’t do anything wrong!” but the grip of guilt tightened around my heart and I could only lie down beside him… emanating misery, as this huge gulf opened up as I accused myself of neglecting him… what had I not noticed that I had not done for him?… Oh my poor son! I would find these things and do them…these must be my sins of omission and so I began to cry out to God… “Show me my sins, Oh God! Show me my sins,” again and again in agony of heart. “As you wish!” God said sternly.

That is when He took my spirit to a place I can only remember as a heavenly Judgment Hall because upon arrival I noted a throne far off in the distance where there shone a great light that illuminated everything, though I was far off and seemed to be slightly in shadow (which puzzled me) I could see over the heads of throngs and throngs of people standing upright rejoicing as I was flown in… Huge was this place! Then as soon as this sight had registered and the angel who’d born me there set me down on my feet at the very back of those who were standing, were it was definitely more shadowy than bright (in which I recall thinking … “wait… what am I doing way back here? I should be up there where I can see better and who dimmed the lights”), in which I promptly melted into a puddle of flesh… like warm Jell-O with no backbone, no firm framework to hold me up. I was struck with horror and shame as I was shown a stream of events as in a few days worth and I knew I was witnessing only a small portion of my sins of omission… the things I had neglected to do! Overwhelmed at the enormity of the types of things that would I have done they would have spelled perfection in accordance with the true and righteous standard of God…I could only moan and writhe in agony for what seemed like days. I was aware that from where I was back the others near to me were also in this agony. I will never forget this horror… Then poof! I was back on the bed, next to my boy.

And this is what I heard next “Well if you are going to behave as though you aren’t covered by the blood of my Son… I thought I’d show you what it would be like if that were true. Now stand up! Never do that again! That was false guilt and shame… remember how it felt and don’t pester Me like that again…show me my sin, show me my sin… you want to be so perfect, afraid that I will reject you if you don’t get it just right, have you forgotten it is My Son whose perfection that I view you through, it is He who bore you shame and guilt upon the cross… (Then I see a dinner plate, heaping, full of food like I’d get for myself at a buffet) your eyes are too big for your stomach… and your plate is already full… eat what you have and give yourself time to digest what I have given you… .Any more would be a waste… (I see a series of the memories I have been dealing with like a strip of film in motion, myself journaling, praying, listening to the voice of my Shepherd as He is leading me through about 7 different types of traumas) you are already dealing with as much as you can handle in all that I am revealing to you now… I am quite capable of bringing to your attention anything that you need to know when you are ready, in my timing and in my way! Trust me to do this! Do not try to do the work of my Spirit to cleanse yourself in this way… that is your way not mine! Don’t you see how many events happen within every day all interwoven with all that I am revealing to you in My word and in all that concerns you?” and I saw that it was true! God was far more committed to my being made whole than I could ever dream of being, and He had all the power there was to assure that His will would be done in regards to all He had purposed for me!

Hallelujah! And so Trust became for me a more operative word. Needless to say the whole thing made a huge impression upon me and I became much more relaxed and patient with myself. I hope you can use these insights in your journey…again it is He who would be in control of all that we are, all that we do and say… but we must trust Him to do it… this is surrender.”

I believe one of the most important things we can give or receive as believers is encouragement. I believe it may be more important than possibly any other interaction we can share with another person. Frankly though, that’s a whole other article (don’t worry, the ideas are stirring). Today, I wanted to mention encouragement in another way. For me, and many other young people (relatively speaking anyway), music is a powerful force. To seek encouragement in music, I think, makes sense.

 

Over the past several months, looking for encouraging music has been a cognitive pursuit. Now, I don’t just mean looking for music that has a slew of feel good bible verses thrown around, but rather, music that really stirs my soul to feel more deeply about God; the true encourager. I’ve come across a handful of artists that I feel have done a really excellent job in this way. The music doesn’t necessarily always make me feel good in a human sense, but often offers some form of deeper encouragement.

 

 

Sufjan Stevens: Seven Swans & Illinois

 

Stevens wears his love for the Lord on his sleeve, without cramming Christian pop-culture down my throat. I think most notable of his releases are Seven Swans and his more popular Illinois. Seven Swans sports a slew of folky instruments played masterfully, accompanied by well written words that, for me, rarely fail to provoke deeper thoughts about God and His redemption. The title track on the album is a mellow, but heart pounding; “He will take you, if you run, He will chase you. Cause he is the Lord.” He sings at the song’s crescendo. Illinois sports a wider array of instruments, and at times a more radio-friendly sound, but no less full of life. Stevens sings, “If I was crying in the van, it was for freedom from myself and from the land” in the albums single. There is encouragement all over these albums. There’s rarely a time when these albums don’t appear on my ipod’s “recently played” play list.

 

 

 

Shane & Shane: Pages

 

 

Shane & Shane have this kind of half-worship music thing going on. On one hand, the songs are really worshipful, but on the other hand, it’s really hard to worship in song to them. They have several other albums before this one with lots of good stuff, but this album I’d like to highlight because it seems to me that it is a little bit more commentative. Instrumentally speaking, the music does not particularly stand out from their contemporaries, although it’s good, what really sets them apart is the power of their voices and the depth of their lyrics. The harmonies are beautiful and will likely send chills down your spine. The lyrics are often psalms, taken directly from scripture, no interpretation added; good luck getting more profound than that! On one track, the two sing about the greatness of God to come through in the face of lies the devil tells us: “The devil’s singing over me an age old song that I am cursed and gone astray, singing the first verse so conveniently over me, He’s forgotten the refrain. Jesus saves.”

 

The Rocket Summer: Hello, Good Friend & Do You Feel

 

The Rocket Summer is on the opposite end of what I’ve listed so far. The songs are made up of what many would look at and consider just another cheesy pop-punk band. I confess, that was my standpoint at first too. But as I listened more, I found that the upety tunes and positive lyrics are more than skin deep, they’re more than just relatable on a surface level. In the song Tell Me Something Good from the album Hello, Good Friend, singer Bryce Avery says, “I wanna be like that mountain, I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest, see I just wanna be it, a guy who wins all the time, I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life, and God I know that it’s wrong so please just make my heart right Inside and destroy my pride, So you can tell me something good…” It also interested me to find out that The Rocket Summer is comprised entirely of… just Bryce Avery; he started the band alone and still records alone. Bryce sings largely straight out of his faith on all kinds of real and specific topics. But I think one thing that stands out about his music (and you probably wouldn’t notice upon a first listen) is that it’s not only positive, but realistic and hopeful.

 

 

 

John Mark McMillan: The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down

 

A lot of McMillan’s music is worshipful, but not explicitly worship music. The songs are very honest. Nothing is glazed over about the emotion in them; at first, the songs don’t seem encouraging, because of the honesty and the grit. But listening more, I found myself approaching God with a similar honesty, which inevitably lead to encouragement. I highly recommend this album. I think you’ll find your prayers echoing his.

 

 

 

Jason Upton: Between Earth and Sky

 

This is the most recent of Jason Upton’s live albums. Jason Upton takes a certain amount of getting used to and in order to receive from it, you really kind of have to track with the song. It doesn’t do too well as music to put on the background. But to lay silently on your bed with this music on, it can be a great minister of encouragement and inspiration. Upton’s words are profound and prophetic at times, singing about the things that we often feel in the deeper darker parts of our heart and about the deeper parts of God’s character that we’re often too afraid to approach. He introduces those two depths to each other and in their meeting there has been much encouragement for me. “Don’t be afraid little warrior bride, victory’s on the other side,” is one of my favorite lines from the album, sung in the end of the song Emma.

 

Well that about does it for now. If you’re feeling adventurous, pick up some of these CD’s. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

As I said before, I’ve been reading through Of The Mortification of Sin in Believers by John Owen, as well as The Sinfulness of Sin by Ralph Venning. The texts bear some similarities; Mr. Venning quotes and references scripture a lot more, which is good for me to plant my feet in the Word that is the wisdom of God. When I first began reading these books, I heard on several occasions, people say things like, “This book changed so-and-so’s life,” or talking about how highly esteemed the books are in different circles of influential people. To be honest, hearing these things, somewhere in my heart I said, “they’re going to be good and add to my intellectual ammunition, but ultimately not really affect me.” What a wicked thing to say, “O sinful sin” as Mr. Venning says repeatedly in his book. I like it.

Well, fitting right into God’s character, I couldn’t be more wrong. Both books bear similarities to one another, and I’m not going to go into them, I just want to point out one thing that Mr. Owen says in the second chapter of Of The Mortification Of Sin In Believers. “Sin aims always at the utmost;” he says, “every time it rises up to tempt or entice, might it have its own course, it would go out to the utmost sin in that kind.” At first the saying just seemed really quotable; but in ordinary life, the statement illuminated the nature of sin in my life. Habakkuk 2:5 says death is never satisfied; that is like the nature of sin. Mr. Owen says, “Every unclean thought or glance would be adultery if it could… every thought of unbelief would be atheism.”

All this has rung really true in my life; by the grace of God, I’m seeing the deceitfulness of sin more clearly than before. I’m finding easier, I think, to bear up under temptation in the Lord, when in my heart I really truly hate sin.